The Furry Fox
by saiyuri-dahlia
Summary: Some people have the facial features to pull it off. Kurama does not. Oh boy, does he not... Written solely for the amusement. Minor Hiei/Kurama.


Story Title: The Furry Fox

Disclaimer: Still don't own YYH.

Author's Notes: The idea for this came randomly right before bed. Since it was an image of Kurama I had never seen depicted before—mostly because the mental picture looks pretty awful—I thought I'd quickly type out this random story, mostly to burn the image into other people's minds and again because I don't recall anyone doing this before. This is the closest I will ever get to a crack fic.

And before readers get too alarmed by my note, remember the rating. Don't worry, it's kid-friendly but still not something you'd ever want to see. Though hopefully the story is amusing, in the least. Thanks for reading.

-o-

Story Title: The Furry Fox

-o-

Kurama lived his life guided by the possibility and potentiality of change. After all, he was once a fox who could change into a human-like form. He was a fox until he fused himself into the unborn child of Shiori Minamino and became human. He found himself in a precarious position of straddling human and demon once the Youko was reawakened. He was once a ruthless demon and a master thief, now reformed to a very proper and generally nice human. Change was an integral aspect of his life. As a living example of the power of change, he was a firm proponent of it. Better to take action than wallow in one's woes, he believed.

And so when Kurama was displeased with an aspect of his life or of his person, he made a change. This one he hoped was a wise decision and would bring about the desired effect he wanted on people's perceptions of him.

Visiting his mother, Kurama waited in the kitchen as his mother finished getting ready in her room. He was taking her to brunch and this would be the first time she had seen him since he made his change. He wondered what she would think of it. He already suspected she would be quite shocked since it was such a striking change in his appearance but he hoped for a smile and a loving approval from his dear mother.

"Shuuichi," Shiori called, as she headed down the stairs, "I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I didn't know you would be here so early."

"Then it is my fault, Mother," he said. "Though I did acquire this habit from you."

"Well, yes," she said through a light laugh, her voice drawing closer. "It's really nice to see you. I haven't seen you in—"

Shiori stood in the kitchen doorway, hair pinned in an elegant bun, dressed nicely but casually enough for a brunch with her darling son whom she had not seen in three months but talked to on a very regular basis. She stood mouth open, eyes fixed on his face.

And the vibrant red moustache and three-inch thick beard overgrowing his chin and jaw.

"…Shuuichi, that's an…" she forced an awkward smile, "…_interesting_ look you're going for."

She had paused. She had paused to decide upon the appropriate word, one that hopefully would not hurt his feelings. She had said her pick of words in the universal voice mothers used when they wanted to be supportive of their children's independent decisions but believed they were making a great mistake. She hated it.

"I thought a change was due," Kurama said, trying to keep the conversation positive.

"I see…" she said, launching a thousand possible interpretations. It was an answer that answered nothing, yet served its purpose. "Are you liking it?"

"I admit there is some acclimation I have yet to manage but my intentions are satisfied."

She then offered him a mother's smile that always translated to '_As long as you like it, dear, that's what matters'_.

As they headed out, Kurama thought it best to change the subject so he asked how her visit to meet her sister-in-law went. His mother, seemingly relieved to focus on a different topic, talked readily about how nervous she had been to meet her and how welcoming Kazuya's sister was and so on and so on.

The small restaurant was a fair fifteen-minute walk away from his mother's house. Of course, it hardly seemed like five minutes had past between them as he listened to his mother relay her stay, noting her relish as she talked about their young grandchildren and relating stories from Kurama's babyhood.

They had been seated at a window-side table, gentle sunshine cascading in between the red and white gingham cloth curtains. The restaurant's décor was simple, quaint, and slightly on the cutesy side. There were several tables filled and more customers steadily arriving. And from the smells wafting from the kitchen and served tables, the cooks behind the line seemed to be proficient at their craft.

A waitress came with their drinks and took their orders. Much to Kurama's irritation, the girl seemed stuck on staring at him. For the sake of politeness that only he seemed to possess, he pretended not to notice.

"Kazuya and I used to have coffee and dessert after work here and then he would walk me home. I never would have known this place existed if it were not for him," Shiori said, a reminiscing look in her eyes as she smiled.

"So this is the place of your secret trysts," Kurama teased.

"It wasn't like that," his mother denied, laughing through her disbelief at her son. "Maybe in the beginning but I told you about Kazuya as soon as we started dating in earnest, which wasn't long after. Hardly a secret."

"If you say so, Mother," Kurama said, still teasing.

"Well, you are one to talk, son," she said, determined to match him mild kid for kid, "I did not find out about Hiei until he came downstairs while I was making dinner, raided our fridge, grabbed a spoon before he finally acknowledged me and said, 'I'm your son's boyfriend' and went back upstairs, eating our ice cream."

Her account was completely true and completely to his and Hiei's plans. Of course, afterwards, she came up to his room and was given a full explanation. And by full explanation, Kurama meant a string of appropriate lies intertwined with vague shades of something resembling the truth. He had told her Hiei was a student from a neighboring prefecture and that the times he came home late were due to him visiting Hiei. As for revealing to her he was gay, well, Kurama did have some reservations, but Shiori had surprised him by saying in politer, more motherly terms that it was about time. Kurama still could not forget the smirk on Hiei's face, mid-shovel scoop of ice cream, when she said that.

"How is Hiei? How does he like your—" she stroked an imaginary beard. Apparently, she hated it so much she could not bring herself to say the word when in attributed to him.

"Hiei has been away on business," Kurama said, effectively answering both questions.

His mother nodded and then stared down at her coffee cup nestled between her hands. She remained staring, hands around her cup, even as Kurama asked her more questions about her trip, about if Shuichi's grades were improving, about anything he saw fit. She would reply but then a distinct silence would fall between them until Kurama prompted her with a different question.

As Kurama asked her about the first date with Kazuya, his mother uncharacteristically interrupted him.

"I'm sorry, Shuuichi, I tried to restrain myself but I can't say nothing on this anymore. Why? Why did you grow that beard?"

"It was the result of several instances, Mother. Boys mistaking me for a girl, girls mistaking me for a transsexual, and I grew tired of it all. So to put a stoppage on the annoyance and settle my gender identity confusion in the eyes of the rest of the world, I grew it."

Sympathy shined in her eyes for her little boy and the aggravation he must have suffered through, "I can understand your frustration, but…" she stared at his beard, wincing at the prolonged sight of it, and then vented a sigh, "You look so much better without it. You're such a handsome young man. Why would you do this to yourself?"

"Apparently, my looks are not suitably masculine for the word 'handsome'."

"Sweetheart," she said, taking his hand and giving it a loving press, "When you first started growing out your hair, I wasn't too fond of the idea but you have beautiful hair and you take wonderful care of it. I accepted your long hair because it really does suit you. It was an improvement. But this beard, while trimmed and combed nicely, is just not you. I'm sorry, son, you don't have the features to pull it off."

Kurama stared down at his mother's hand, his hairy reflection warped in her wedding band, and said nothing.

"I'll love you if you stand firm and keep it," Shiori said, "But with all my love and respect, please, _please_ shave it off."

"I will keep your words in mind," Kurama said, offering her a reassuring smile while not certain himself if he would listen to her. He did love his mother and would do anything for her but his facial hair had a purpose and it was accomplishing its purpose very well. So far, Kurama was determined to keep it. Until the errors outweighed the benefits, he would not shave it off.

-o-

Brunch went well, though the conversation explored a different route than Kurama ever expected. Afterwards, Kurama walked his mother home, declined her offer to stay all day and for dinner, explaining he had other engagements to attend to but promised he would call her later and that he would stay for dinner next weekend. On his way out, they each made a request of the other. He asked if he could have the day's newspaper left out on the kitchen table. His mother asked him to shave off his facial hair again.

As he waited for the bus, Kurama read the newspaper. Most of the stories were fairly mundane but a few caught his eye. One in particular about a young boy who had fallen from a fifth-story window but was miraculously saved by a sudden great wind had captured his interest, mostly because he recalled Touya and Jin had moved into that same apartment complex recently. Kurama made a note to go visit them and see how their adjustment to the human world was going, offer his advice if inquired, and give Touya a momentary breather from Jin's near-constant effervescence.

"Excuse me, young man," said an old woman. "I'd like you to have this." She offered him a small amount of money.

"Pardon me, madam, but whatever for?" Kurama asked, bending down the newspaper.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" the old woman said suddenly, eyes wide in surprise. "I thought you were…please, never mind."

Kurama blinked curiously as the embarrassed old woman shambled away. He tried to return to reading but found himself mulling over the old woman's words.

Usually when strangers approached him, it was always a guy and the poor bastard was trying to get a date. The bashful, polite guys Kurama simply informed them he was flattered but he was male. Pushy jerks received a death glare. Perverts who tried to cop a feel were infected with an unsightly moss that would embed, grow all over, and become their skin. His interaction with that old woman, however, had been completely different.

It was really beginning to bother him that he could not figure out what the old woman had meant. What had she thought he was? Kurama ran through the image of himself through her eyes. He was a young man, nicely dressed in a suit, sitting on a bench waiting for the bus reading a newspaper, fully opened—what was so striking about that? And why had she offered him money?

A thought came to Kurama.

Had she… Had she thought he was homeless?

After searching all other possibilities and testing other logic, Kurama had indeed decided that yes, she had thought he was homeless.

The reason he had grown out his facial hair had been to make himself look masculine so people would cease mistaking him for a girl and specifically to stop guys from hitting on him. The beard was successful in its objective.

…Except the beard now made old ladies think he was homeless.

-o-

As what usually happened to friends past their high school years, each member of Team Urameshi went their own ways, following their own life paths. Their contact was less frequent nowadays but once in a while the stars would align, and more importantly so would their schedules, and they would meet up some afternoon and deliver progress reports and reminisce—and by reminisce, Kurama meant directly help Yusuke solve a case, usually involving a rogue villainous demon causing trouble, from his side-job.

Today's meet was strictly of the 'hello and how you been?' type. Yusuke and Kuwabara were up ahead, their backs toward him, distracted by their conversation. Kurama thought he would bring back some of the old times by pulling his little trick of suppressing his energy fully, utilizing his stealth and fox senses to seemingly appear suddenly out of nowhere. The old prank always got a good scream out of Kuwabara at least.

His energy signature nonexistent, Kurama approached his old teammates grown into his closest friends undetected, laid a hand on each of their shoulders, and as he suddenly made his energy known, said, "Good afternoon, gentlemen. Wonderful to see you again."

As expected, Kuwabara jumped and let out a piercing, guttural scream. Yusuke, on the other hand, smirked in appreciation for the old joke and turned around to greet him.

"Hey, Ku—" and then Yusuke stopped mid-speaking and just stared at him.

"Geez, Kurama," Kuwabara said, shaking all the willies out of himself, "Put a bell on next ti—" At circling around and seeing him, Kuwabara wore the same expression as Yusuke.

And then both young men burst out into laughter. A roaring, raucous, finger pointing, snorting, tears in one's eyes laughter. Passersby shot confused stares over at the sight of the two of them laughing, a few looked at them and then at Kurama and walked off laughing in accordance. Kurama was not certain if he had exactly expected this reaction, or at least this intense a reaction.

"Kuwabara, you were supposed to leave your cat at home!" Yusuke said, doubled over and crying.

"Dear god, Kurama, you and the runt have a fight? 'Cause it looks like Hiei set your face on fire." Kuwabara said, clutching his stomach in pain. "I'm not sure if I should throw water on it or take it home with me."

"Nah, Kuwabara, don't you know you're not supposed to get those things wet? It'll multiply and then all the gremlins will wreck the city." Their laughs joined together in another lengthy fit.

"Very funny, you two," Kurama said, very unamused. Sure, it was not surprising that they were laughing. Knowing his friends well, Kurama had prepared himself for a little laughter and a little friendly ribbing but this was excessive. Really, he could not have looked that funny.

"Come on, Kurama!" Yusuke protested, gasping for air as he struggled to laugh and speak at the same time, "With that hair, those eyes, and that beard, you look like one of my mom's drag queen friends. And I'm not talking about the pretty ones."

"Or you look like Bigfoot's accountant!" Kuwabara added. "Is that where you've been all these—"

"Enough!" Kurama said sternly, tossing a glare in for good measure. Both Yusuke and Kuwabara regained their composure quick.

"Ah, sorry, Kurama. We were just messing with you," Yusuke said, catching his breath. "What's with the face fur anyway, fox boy?"

"Remember that time you and Keiko suggested I should be the one to infiltrate that all-girls school? Well, I do not want to be the default choice anymore."

"Hey, I get it and I don't blame you. You want to go for it, go for it. Just one thing about that, man—" Yusuke looked at Kuwabara and shot the taller young man a knowing nod.

"You look ridiculous," Yusuke and Kuwabara said together.

Kurama did not show it but he was admittedly taken aback. His morning inspection in the mirror had not yielded him to think he looked absurd. He had believed he looked different and that he needed to become more acquainted with the new image of himself, understandably because he was making a distinct change in his appearance. It was not that his reflection looked strange because he believed his facial hair looked bizarre on him, it was simply that he no longer looked the same as before.

"One man to another, Kurama," Kuwabara said as he walked over to stand beside him and wrapped his arm about his shoulders, "It's not working for you. Not one bit. You're better off clean-shaven and ignoring the idiots. What do they matter anyway? You know you're a man, we know you're a man, so the rest can shove it. Anyone out here wants to call you a girl, we'll give them hell. And you know Hiei won't let anyone mistake you for a girl."

"You see…" Yusuke said, "Kuwabara could work a beard 'cause his face could use the cover up. He has a face only his cat loves."

"Yukina does too!" Kuwabara squawked in protest.

Yusuke snorted derisively, "Sorry, Romeo, that won't count until she says yes to a date and doesn't think you're offering her fruit," he focused back on Kurama. "Try as you might to deny it, fox boy, but you have to face facts. You're a pretty boy. Pretty boys and facial hair don't mix."

"Perhaps it is a small matter of you accepting the sight of a pretty boy with full facial hair," Kurama said.

Kuwabara flattened his stare and shook his head no while Yusuke grinned wryly and barely suppressed a dark chuckle.

"Hiei has a higher likelihood of turning into Botan than of you rocking a beard and 'stache," Yusuke replied.

His shoulders drooped as Kurama canted his eyes to the ground and breathed a sigh in defeat, "My mother also said it does not suit me."

"_Yomi_ could see that doesn't suit you," Yusuke said. "Speaking of which, you're lucky I can't send him a photo."

"I appreciate the honesty," Kurama offered a small smile.

Yusuke shrugged his shoulder, "It's what friends do. So, hey, where you guys want to get lost at?"

Kuwabara practically bounced with eager suggestions as they headed off, currently with no specific destination in mind but a lot of fun to be had.

-o-

Back at his apartment and in more casual clothes, Kurama busied himself by cleaning and straightening the few irregular objects of his otherwise immaculate living quarters. He had just finished talking to his mother, learning the good news of the rest of her day and then telling her about his reunion with his friends. When she asked about what they thought about his beard, he told her, withholding the details of their jokes and gales of laughter, merely explaining they were in agreement with her that he should shave it. Her immediate response to that was asking him if he indeed planned to shave it off or if he already had.

No, he had not. Though admittedly the day's events had pressed some newfound reconsideration into his thoughts. He was certainly a lot less confident about keeping it now than he had been this morning.

It did not help that upon learning about Jin and Touya's new residence, Yusuke proposed they have an all-night housewarming party at Genkai's, inviting Chuu, Rinku, and the rest of the old gang. He warned Kurama that he should shave before then or prepare himself to be subjected to the greatest fit of laughter and teasing the three worlds had ever seen, because out of all of them only Touya would most likely show restraint but that even he would be helplessly laughing behind his back.

Kurama paused in front of his bathroom mirror and gazed at his reflection. He angled his head from one side to the other, slowly moving back and forth, and revised his perceptions from this morning's.

So far, the positive side to keeping the beard was that he was no longer getting mistaken for a girl. The negative side was gaining his mother's insistence he shave it, old women thinking he was homeless, and now the ridicule of all his closest friends and allies.

As bad as all that sounded, Kurama still considered keeping it. He _really_ hated all the unwanted flirtation he received from guys, being accused of going into the wrong restroom, being targeted by saleswomen offering him makeup demonstrations or insisting a certain dress would accentuate his body so much better than his shirt and pants. It was a headache he was glad to be freed from, though he noted that it did seem like he was trading one annoyance for another.

The sudden presence of Hiei's energy in the area was a welcomed find. Even though he knew it had been Hiei's fault and he had deserved getting stuck serving another border patrol—not for breaking the law but for foolishly letting himself get caught, Kurama could not help but admit he had missed him.

Kurama went to the kitchen. No doubt he was probably hungry. Knowing it would be just himself for a while, he did not have many groceries stocked but he had a few things on hand Hiei liked, if his love did not just eat ice cream or ordered take-out for dinner.

Setting a pot of water on the stove to boil, Kurama caught the time from the built-in digital clock. It was 8:37 pm, fairly late in the evening. By the time Kurama finished making dinner and Hiei ate, Kurama surmised it would not be unreasonable for them to turn in for the night. Not that either one of them would be doing much sleeping.

"Welcome back," Kurama said as Hiei came into the kitchen and, back facing Hiei, he finished up setting up his preparation in case he wanted him to cook.

Kurama turned around, eager to see Hiei's smirk and be greeted by an arrogant, smart comment. It had certainly missed it.

Hiei took one unemotional look at his face and then without explanation turned around and walked back down the hallway and toward his bedroom.

Calling his name in increasing frustration and receiving no answer, Kurama followed Hiei. He found him, one hand holding up the window and a foot on the windowsill.

"Where are you going?" Kurama asked, quite confused.

Hiei looked back over his shoulder and said, "I leave for three months and you let yourself go to hell."

"What are you talking about?" Kurama asked until he remembered his beard. "So all this time you only loved me for my looks? Never would have thought you were so shallow."

"No, I love your mind but clearly you've lost that if you think that's attractive on you."

"So what if I do?" Kurama asked. Truthfully, Kurama did not think his new facial hair was all that attractive on him either but its purpose had always been to downplay his attractiveness. He had proposed the idea that he did believe it looked good on him to Hiei just to hear his response.

"Well, you're the vain one," Hiei sneered, "At least you _were_."

"I grew this to stop men from hitting on me," Kurama explained.

"If they were hurting you, you should have hurt them back."

"Bit of a disproportionate retribution, don't you think?" Kurama said as he sat down on the bottom edge of his bed.

"No, I don't," Hiei said, his voice and demeanor taking a firm, severe edge, as he stomped over and stood in front of Kurama. "Who are these men who are beating you? I'll stop them."

Kurama was touched by Hiei's show of concern, albeit presented through his harsh, cold hostility. "Forgive me, Hiei, but I am afraid there's been a misunderstanding. The human turn of phrase, 'hitting on' is not literal. When someone 'hits on' another, it means they are making romantic and/or sexual advances toward that person."

"I'll kill them," Hiei said, his hard tone unchanged.

Kurama laughed as he wrapped an arm loosely behind Hiei's neck, "Spirit World might have some objections to that."

"Don't care," Hiei said. "No one 'hits on' what's mine."

"Glad to know I have not completely repulsed you," Kurama said, smiling as he leaned in and gave a quick kiss to Hiei's cheek, "and that after all this time you are still rotten with jealousy."

"I'm not jealous. I'm possessive," Hiei said, as if the distinction mattered. "And you're getting rid of that. Whether you do it or I do it, it's coming off."

"So I should surmise I have absolutely no say in this matter whatsoever," Kurama said, smirking playfully.

"Let me put this another way," Hiei said, punctuating his words with a hard scowl. "It goes or I go."

"It seems that the negative at last outweighs the positive," Kurama said, causing Hiei to blink in confusion. He rose from his seat and headed toward the door. "Might I remind you that if _someone_ had not gotten caught I would not have been left alone and driven nigh insane to the point I felt this drastic measure was necessary."

"Don't you even try to pin that on me, fox! That embarrassment is all yours."

Yes, yes, so it seemed it was. It had been an idea that had evolved into an experiment that had positive results for its setout intentions but proved to be a catastrophic failure in all other aspects of his life. Well, Kurama was very, very smart but his wisdom was not infallible. Even he was subject to the occasional miscalculation and my, had he made a miscalculation with this endeavor. Thanks to Yusuke, he probably would not live this down for quite some time either.

Staring back at his reflection in the bathroom mirror once more, Kurama now saw all the imperfection, all the hideousness, all the absurdity his mother, his friends, his lover had immediately seen. He asked himself how could he have not noticed it before. The only answer he could give himself was that he had been blinded by the satisfying knowledge that no one would ever mistake him for a girl again.

So perhaps he had really gone a little insane. Thank goodness the people that loved and mattered most to him were around to bring him out of it. He had made a mistake but he had learned his lesson.

Finished applying the shaving cream, Kurama hurried to get his hands on the razor so he could remove all the awful, unsightly hair off his face.

After all, change was not always a positive thing.


End file.
